Praying for Potatoes

I remember as a young boy riding in the John Deere 4430 with my Dad as he was planting potatoes. He had finished planting a quarter section and was getting ready to head to the next field. He walked about 100 feet out into the freshly planted field and took a knee and ran his hand through the freshly turned soil and bowed his head.

When he came back to the tractor I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "I've done all I can do. I was just leaving the rest of the work in God's hands."

I still need to learn to do this more frequently.

Today I am "Praying for Potatoes". A very dear friend of mine is waiting on all the pieces to fall into place to make some exciting changes. And they aren't falling as rapidly as she would like. So today I am leaving the rest of the work in God's hands. We've done what we can do. The rest is up to the One who knows what is best.

I miss radio.

There.

I said it. I miss radio.

Not the mundane things like paying royalties and juggling rotations, or even the excitement of getting new music in the mail. What I really miss is the emails I would get at just the right time. When the studio computer needed work and the royalties were past due and I was just about ready to give up. Those emails would come in.

Telling me that something that we played or said made a difference in someones life. An eternal difference. And it suddenly was worth every second I put into it. I miss making a difference. I miss seeing lives changed.

I often wonder when I gave up. At what point did I make the choice that I would take the easy path of working my job and nothing more?

Was it when someone I considered a friend and a partner in ministry filed a restraining order against my family so we couldn't interact with their kids? Was it when the local churches failed to show the moral fortitude that should have come easily and refused to stand up for us? Maybe. I know that is when organized religion started to make me throw up a little every time I was around it.

All I know is that it quickly became too painful for me to reach people through radio. We sold the station, and I focused on escape.

I miss radio.

A reason to live.

July of 2001 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

I spent the next 5 years trying to reach that 5 year cancer-free milestone. That was my driving force for almost 6 years.

I reached that milestone, and paused.

Pausing and reflecting are good activities. The problem is I've been paused for far too long. I need a reason to press on. A reason to get up in the morning and do stuff. I know of lots of things that should be that reason. But none of them carry the urgency or intensity of staying alive.

I don't expect you, dear reader, to know what that reason is any more than I know it. I am simply logging my disenchantment with the status quo.

I recently told a friend, "Nothing will change until you change".
Perhaps it is time for me to heed my own advice.

The vampires want your blood.

House of Heroes
Make a Face Like You Mean It.

Don't bother to show integrity,

it never sells on the market.

Chain all the world down.

Don't fuss with your creativity,

they never asked for an artist.

Take all the heart out.

All the kids want to rock,

but they don't want to sit through another boring chorus.

One or two at the top might give you a shot,

but they don't want to risk any losses.

Take all the heart out.



The vampires want you blood.

You can't always get what you want, but they do.

You can't always get what you want, but they know:

the truth is what they want it to be.



Drop by drop.

The camera flash casts shadows from their egos.

Sing a song like you wrote it.

Puppets don't think, puppets just dance.

Make a face like you mean it.